Prioritie a QUI? Continuation of Driving Rants

(Yes, I'm aware that I didn't finish my previous blog entry and driving, and I will finish it, one day.)

Scene-I'm picking up SA from school, we drive up the road to take a left. There is a pathetic excuse for a rondpoint, and I graciously let some mec drive through, although it's technically my turn. He drives through. Another Jerkoff on the right, naturally decides to profit off my goodnaturedness (word?) and plows through the intersection. This isn't a big deal really, I think to myself, because he is going straight, because after all his indicator is NOT on. Wrongo. He's actually turning left into my lane. It's a beautiful day, so the windows are opened. Jerkoff is screaming at me because I'm kind of blocking the way of MY lane, and I couldn't quite understand him, but he must have been saying, "What ze hell is wvong vit you seely foreign girl!? How dare zat you var not able to veed my mind!? Don't you know that in ze France we zar all capable of zees talent!?"

So naturally, I was also yelling in English, and the other random van, who was also embroiled in a traffic jam (no injuries) actually had the nerve to mock me as I was speaking in English.

I wasn't aware that thirteen year old boys were allowed to drive.

Money Can't Buy Tact-The hierarchy of Au Pairing

What never ceases to amaze me is the lack of tact that one can find as an Au Pair. Being as vague and unspecific as possible, I will attempt to explain.

I find that Au Pairs are pretty much in three different categories. We have, "family Au Pair," "business Au Pair," and "Slave."

Family Au Pair-Lucky you! You have found a family that understands the nature of Au Pairing, and will simultaneously teach you about the culture while keeping to the limits that were originally specified in your contract. You will do few babysittings, and any house work or extras will at least be acknowledged by a "Thank you." You will discipline the children as needed, and the parents will work with you with the children. The family will ask, rather than tell you when you work extra and will be completely open to helping you with any issues. The children may or may not be well behaved, but they will probably respect you on some level. Extra bonus--you will be invited on vacations! Expected to work, but will not be asked for gas money or payment for accomodations. Downside, they may be bewildered as to why you want to see other people on your free time. They also tend to be a little newer, and make mistakes such as, not paying you on time, or assume that you love their children as much as they do, etc...

Business Au Pair-Luck you! You have entered a relationship with a family that has several years of Au Pairing experience. They've had many different girls, and are pretty adaptable. You probably get paid more, and they see you a bit more of a Personal Assistant. You run errands, cook dinner, and basically have free range to manage the household as you want. The parents probably will be traveling more, but it won't be that big of a deal, as your children are most likely older and can entertain themselves. Another bonus, they will understand your need to flee on your time off. You will a hundred percent definitely be working more than the usual Au Pair.

Slave-Lucky you! You get the opportunity to live en La France! You are considered a person with feelings and needs HALF of the time you are working!

Ah, the rich. They will spend several thousand euros on a new car they dont need, and several more to send their kids to expensive school, and yet several more to impromptu trips to South Africa, or Asia, and you see how they can afford it. They nickel and dime the SHIT out of their nanny. They search out Au Pairs, who are cheaper than Nanny's, but expect the same amount of hours/dedication. Most families have at least one aspect of the job that sure makes you feel like a slave. For me, it was Fridays last year. Some examples--being required to work seven days a week, working on Sundays with no notice, phone calls at seven am to come home on a Saturday to dress an infant, leaving class to come home to pick up a sick child, and the list goes on. I think that least sometimes, the parents are just really out of touch, and actually believe that you have nothing in the world better to do than come and raise their children. They have a hard time believing that you are in France to SEE France, not to see the inside of a playroom.

The real problem comes when you are in the awkward position of a family who has kids they don't really have an interest in. Perhaps Dad is older, and never really wanted kids, but was beat down by Mom. Or maybe both just find that kids give you status. Or maybe they just don't know how to deal with kids. Either way, sucks for you, Au Pair. Because you're going to be left with kids who have no idea how to deal with life or show love, and take out all their anger on you on a regular basis.

There's no perfect situation, just like there is no perfect family. What you learn to do is weigh the positives and negatives. Usually your weekends, friends, experiences, etc will make up for the shitty things. Sometimes they don't, and you take off in the middle of the night, leaving your key in the mailbox.

I truly believe though, despite the ups and downs of taking a year to do this, it is worth it. I also believe that the best way to deal with things, is to separate your freetime and your job. If dinner gets burned, or we're five minutes late for basketball, who cares? It's not life or death, and it's best to not get caught up in the small things. If you're in a family who will bitch at you for it, then screw them.

Case in point--I was with VH last week going to golf. We were supposed to go pick up his friend from his house and drive together. VH was having a bad day, and it took forever for him to get his things together and we left at 1:20. Golf starts at 1:30, it takes twenty minutes to get there. It was impossible. I was getting really frustruated with VH, so he decided to move twenty times slower to show that he was in control. I was really annoyed and talked to him sternly about how important it is to listen to me and it was overall a bad afternoon. Then I just sort of realized, "This doesn't matter, at all." It's not my fault, and this has no bearing on my self worth. So after a few minutes of fuming, I decided, ok let it go, and now we know for next week. And sure enough, later when I told VH we needed to leave, he got right up and went. Bam, problem solved. He understood it was his fault for being late, so he knows I know what I'm talking about.

"I don't arrive to make the difference"--Language evolution

I'm sitting outside right now, enjoying the temperate weather, while my charge plays on the trampoline. The sun has finally made a reappearance and I expect the quality of life to rise exponentially. Following four months of gray and gloom, we have finally been enjoying five days in a row, without clouds. Naturally, I've been trying to spend as much time outside (failing most of the time, but hey, at least I've made an effort). On Sunday I called up a friend and we took a little promenade around the parks of a neighboring village.

Speaking in French, we discussed my life, his life, his sister's life, and finally I asked a series of probing questions about accents and how they sound in French. Thus far I am able to differentiate between the following accents, French (Parisian), French (not Parisian) Canadian, African, English, and Foreigner. They can pretty much be divided into two groups, if I understand, and if I don't. If I don't understand they're most likely French (not Parisian), Canadian, and occasionally African. If I understand they are French (Parisian), English, and usually Foreigner.

Accents are something that have only come with time. I'm quite stupid with accents, even in English, and usually am only able to pick them up if I hear key words. In Spanish, I can feel that an accent is different, but I can't really guess the exact origin.

Anyway, Gui Gui and I were discussing this until we got to Canadians. He started laughing (and I did too, sorry les Quebeckers, but I find your accents amusing), and he started explaining how the Canadians translate all the words, whereas the French usually take the English words and use them. His example "Happy Meal," in France, they use "Happy Meal," in Quebec, they use the direct translation, which I don't recall. Another example occured to me as we sat there. A few months ago I read part of a book by two Canadians called Sixty-Eight Million Frenchmen Can't be Wrong. Basically two Canadians go about disecting French culture. The woman in it, describes her use of the word "thé glacé" instead of "iced tea," that the French say with a French accent.

Why the French have chosen to adopt English words (while simultaneously bitching about it, as we have seen before) I don't know. What I do have a new appreciation for is the Canadians translating everything word for word, and breaking away from "France French," to more direct English translations. Why do I have a new understanding of this phenomenon? Simple, my very own English, which I have been perfecting for the last twenty-three years has fallen victim to French.

Several examples include, telling my dad I need to go to the prefecture, with an English accent, only to be told he didn't know what that meant. "Wait, we don't say prefecture in English?" I asked, bewildered. "Uhh, no, you're going to have to explain that one." I no longer use the word train station with friends, but "gare." I wrote an article trying to use the verb "regarder," in English. Frequently in French, you say, "J'arrive pas faire quelque chose," this means roughly, "I'm not able to do something" or more commonly, "I can't do something." Arriver, means just as it appears, to arrive. I caught myself saying the other day, "I don't arrive to do that."

The worst part? My contact with English speakers, is with friends, who are doing the exact same thing.

La verité me fait mal.

Mostly French conversation had with friend--
G-He want that I go there.
R-Non, non, en anglais, on dit "He wants me to go there"
G-Ah, bon? Mais toi aussi fait beaucoup des fautes quand t'ecris. Regard ton message la....

Priorite a QUI? My whinefest about driving

We all knew this was coming. New job requires me to drive considerably more than the old one (bonus, I don't pay for gas), as a result I have way more run-ins with other French drivers. I should preface this, by explaining why driving in France is so difficult for me, and American.

Firstly, the roads are small, some one way roads are barely big enough for a car to get through, and the two ways WOULD be big enough for two cars, except one of those lanes is apparently designated for parking. The result? Chicanes. I asked a British woman one time how you say this in English (because I'm too lazy to look it up) and she told me, "Well I don't know, I suppose it would be same word." Oh right, of course I wouldn't know how to say this, because one thing we have an abundance of in the States (besides guns, violence, sex, and immigration) is SPACE. I spent three or four months in Montana/Wyoming and then another two weeks driving back across the southern part of the country. I'm not even sure if we saw other cars when we traversed Wyoming. Anyway, the point is, that roads arent ONE lane, even in older places, like the city of Alexandria in Virginia, a garbage truck on its daily rounds wouldn't stop traffic for two hours.

This "chicanes" phenomenon appears to happen in two different situations, when appointed by the city, in clearly marked parking spots. Or, like most other occurences in France, wherever the hell the French feel like it. So C-townians usually pick a side of the road to park, and, follow me here: If I am driving, and there are cars parked on my side of the road, I stop, if the cars are in the way of the driver coming towards me, THEY stop. Logical right? Add traffic, impatience, my lack of understanding of road laws and it equals A LOT of dirty looks, inappropriate gestures, swearing and near accidents.

Secondly, there exists this mysterious law called "priority to the right," which means, if someone is merging into traffic, and they dont have a stop sign you must yield to them.

Upgrade

So, in the beginning of February, I left Chez François and moved to another residence into a town I will call C-town, into the residence that I will refer to as Chez Franco-Amero. (Robin had a little crash course in privacy laws while she was in the United States, and will heretoforth not be using anymore real names.) Anyway, so now I live a little closer to Paris, which ain't that different, but at least I am left in a better financial situation.

Anyway, this is unfortunate for the readers, because honestly, these kids haven't done as many things to make me say "REALLY? Are you TRYING to kill yourself?" And thus far, we are in the honeymoon stage.

The children--
VH-Aged eight. Sweet and adorable but stubborn. He does pretty much everything I ask him to, just on his own time, which gets frustruating, especially today, when we were about a half hour late to golf because I tried to rush him, and he diabollically decidede to move ten times slower...He at least has a conscience, so I hope that this was an isolated occasion.*

SA-Aged eleven. She is in sixth grade and so far enjoys talking to me. She's starting to become interested in girly stuff, so thats pretty fun to talk to her about. This age can also be miserable for any adults involved, so I'm hoping that wont start until after I leave.

JR-Aged fourteen. Knows what's going on, he is actually able to direct me places relatively easily, and does a good job for showing disdain over my inability to find places. He has a sense of humor and makes jokes.

The father is French, and the mother is American. She travels a lot, so I've had more face time with him. (I should mention here that we are speaking in French, or at least he's speaking in French and I'm responding in broken French, and asking questions in English). He appears to be the more "particular" one, with specific ways that things are supposed to be, more like S in my previous household. This could be irritating, but knowing myself, I'll just get used to all these little idiosyncracies and then adopt them myself. (Side note, I caught myself making a proper lunch, setting the table, and making the boys eat with me, something I NEVER would have done, and struck me as oddwhen I first got here)

I will most likely be working way more hours than my other job, but that's okay for now. The way I'm feeling about continuing on as a fille au pair is making me wonder how much longer I will be able to handle this.

I'm still not in a big hurry to head back to the US, because, I have a new love. The French language. I'm finally hanging out with people who don't speak English, and it feels wonderful. I love the way it sounds, and I love making sentences. I can't really explain why, I never had a real desire to learn the language, but now I'm a little obsessed. Not obsessed enough to try very hard and study all the time, but obsessed enough to mull the words in my head, and occasionally run to the grammar book to see how exactly it is I'm supposed to conjugate that verb.

Potentially faulted view of childcare

As stated in my previous blog, I'm home for a visit which means that I will either attempt to block out everything that goes on in my life in France, or I will spend an obsessive amount of time analyzing everything. The last few days have been the latter.

And what has been on my mind has been childcare. So, perhaps I should have sent this out there earlier but, kids are pretty cool. A common question of my non-childcaring friends ask me is if I still want to have kiddies (NERD alert, writing that phrase just reminded me of indirect something or another that I learned in French class, which is deceptively complicated....) Answer--Of course. I wouldn't say I am more prepared, and I do wonder if I will 'run' my household more like my mother, which I remember not so well as I was a child, and cannot imagine was very well organized; or will do things more like S, who was forced to have a more rigid schedule (baths at 5:45, dinner by 7:00, bedtime at 8:30...), as there were four kiddies running around.

I do however, believe that I have a more realistic grasp of what its like. Parenthood doesn't stop. Ever. My own parents have been parents for thirty years, and its still going. Sure the hours get better, but they still have to deal with 2 am phone calls from one of us crying (ok, by one of us I mean me, and its thanks to the time difference). Now I've been only dealing with children that don't belong to me, and was only around the first group for a year, and the second group for two weeks now. But I must say for all the difficulties and headaches that I have experienced via children, and what I have put my own parents through, I can look at the relationship I have with my parents and say---A hundred percent worth it.

My mother is the sweetest person I have ever met. She also loves me unconditionally. She makes me laugh constantly and has a wonderful rose tinted view of the world, but does not lack any depth. When I hear her talk about her opinions of things I realize that she shared these with me and helped develop me into what I hope is an openminded empathetic person. She is also someone I can count on for advice, but can (occasionally) listen silently when I just need to vent. It's true that she can be meddlesome but she doesn't need to control my life. She is happy to watch me, my sister, and my brother grow and make our own decisions.

From my father I learned a sense of humor. Even my dad's emails that he sends me occasionally to try and bully into becoming a more cultured person are full of his natural humor and wit. I was really emotional right before I came home, as I was the previous time (I'm ok with not missing my family until right before I know I'm going to see them, it's the most difficult, and you really should see me barging through customs at the airport, because at that point, I really can't wait anymore) and I was reading an email from him and just started crying. I know, I'm pathetic.

Anyway, my point is--For those of you who have read this blog, childcare is nothing if not interesting. Even the best kids have their bad days. They do gross stuff, they do stupid things, they make you angry (God knows I pissed my parents off growing up), but you deal with all this, the annoyances KNOWING that one day, they will probably turn out to be an okay person. You love them unconditionally, you laugh when they discover something new, you discipline them when they do something unacceptable (writing it down so you can use it to embarass them later in life, of course), and you take a shit ton of pictures because one day they'll be adults and the whole thing will be over.