The Parent Test

Thinking about having children? Try this test first.
Step One-Find a good friend. The closer to 'best friend,' (ie someone you really like) the better.

(Note, you must stay sober, and rational)

Step Two-Wait until they are extremely stressed out (break up, school, work, home, whatever)

Step Three-Take them out to a bar/your house

Step Four-Feed them four shots of vodka

Step Five-Wait to see how the handle it

Step Six-Feed more vodka as necessary, taking care to space it out so you don't commit homicide.

Step Seven-By now, they should be so drunk they can't stand and/or function. Let them get a glimpse of a member of the opposite sex that they are interested in, or dangle tacos/cheeseburgers/any good drunk food in front of them. Let them talk to them, or eat it.

Step Eight-Demand that they leave with you.

Step Nine-Argue them into submission. (Note, this may get ugly. You must be rational and calm, even if they are throwing a complete fit, after all, no one wants to get kicked out or arrested).

Step Ten-Take them home and put them to bed. At this point, they will most likely be sobbing hysterically, and babbling incoherently. Console them while simultaneously undressing them, and redressing them as they go through the following emotions-Sad, Mad, Happy, Confused, Mad, Sad, Confused. Sing to them as necessary. Put a diaper on them, incase they wet themselves.

Step Eleven-Come back two hours later to check diaper, make sure they are breathing/haven't vomited.

Step Twelve-Go to bed, pat yourself on the back, and remember, you only have eighteen more years to go.