After many weeks of painful deliberation, I have decided to go with this new job. As you know, this has not been an easy decision, however, at 23, I hate constantly having to worry about money. I am taking this new opportunity, not because I am miserable, but because I would like a change. I know that you in a small way consider this a betrayal, and that upsets me. Unfortunately, I will be betraying myself if I give in to something based on the needs of others. Like I said, I am young, and I feel that I have dealt with the disadvantages of this job well. To be honest, there were many advantages that made up for it, and I will stay the whole twelve months.
I feel that we have created a relationship, all seven of us, and that makes this so much harder. However, with that relationship, I hope that you will want what is best for me. And what is best for me, is to make a change, like I said, based on what I feel is right for me at this point in my life.
You said that it will be a complete change for you all, and that is true. It will be a change for me too, because I will be taking yet another job that I do not know all of the disadvantages, and that is a risk that I want to take. But, to be honest, taking this job after talking to you all twice, coming to a country about which I knew nothing was way more difficult. It turned out to be a very pleasant experience, occasional bad days aside.
I will help you, in any way possible, to find a new girl. But I feel that I've spent so much of this year giving up things for me. I'm not upset, I would say I'm used to it, but that doesn't necessarily sound positive. I have learned way more about myself, and life for that matter since I've been here. I feel that I've calmed down as a person, and have become way more patient. And I do have the kids to thank for that. It has been truly a pleasure getting to know the kids, but I really feel like it is necessary for me to try something different.
I had a job interview, one time, before I came to France. It went horribly, but the one question that sticks out in my mind was this "What was the hardest decision you ever had to make?" Back then, I was stupefied, I had no real idea. Yes I had hard things happen, but decisions were always usually obvious. And I realized, this is it. There are two prongs. I am giving up a job that I know how to do well. I am giving up a place I am accustomed to. I am making two people have to look for a completely new person to come live with their family. But, if I stay here, I am letting down myself, accepting less money, accepting more babysittings, and accepting living out in a place that is relatively remote. All of these were things that I have embraced, and complaining aside, I have adapted. How many times this year did I think, if only I lived in a place closer to an RER? If only I had a little more money? If only I had a Friday off? If only I had a Saturday off? If only I could come home from a train on a Sunday evening, and not worry about walking 45 minutes?
But, now I have the option to give myself, perhaps not a better experience, but a new one. And if I decide to stay for everyone else, that isn't fair for me.